Sunday, March 15, 2015

Sometimes it is Best to Just Let Go

I had to let a family go from childcare.  It makes me sad to say that.  Part of me feels like a big failure being I couldn't make things work...part of me is so happy that I did let her go.

I had a crier....She cried lots.  I just couldn't take it.  If I put her down she cried...If I tried to soothe her, she cried.  All of the crying made the other kids antsy.  On top of that, I had a sympathy crier in the bunch.  If one cried, they both cried.  UGH.

It would turn into a vicious circle.  She would start crying for what seemed like no reason.  My sympathy crier would then cry too.  The older kids would start in on-Jo, she's crying.  I would pick her up and try to soothe her...It didn't matter.  More crying.  I'd finally get to stop, everyone else would go back to normal and I'd have to put her down again to make lunch.  Crying would start again and the circle would go on and on.

Image result for teething pain baby

Try as I can, nothing would change.  I talked to mom..she said-TEETH.  Of course...teeth.  A few days later and tooth in-still crying.  I suggested ears, as in ear infection.  Nope.  She's just a crier.

I think my house is too busy and overwhelming.  Someone would drop something.  Cry.  The dogs would pass by.  Cry.  If someone would squeal.  Cry.

My nerves where on edge.  I was on edge and if you've done childcare if the provider is edgy....  Everyone is then edgy.  UGH.

I talked with my husband about it several nights after childcare.  I would ask what to try.  He said, -try letting her go?  Let her go??  Quit, give up.  Me, no way.  Then week two came.  She wasn't better.  She wasn't better at all.

Worst, I found myself spending so much time with her that I couldn't manage the other kids the way they needed me.  I also found myself thinking she's gonna cry anyway so why try?  Then my inner voice would kick in say if you fall into that trap, you're just a babysitter and not a childcare provider.  I'd listen and try again.  Still no luck.

Hubby said again-let her go.

I said I wouldn't until I knew for sure that the problem wasn't related to an ear infection.  A trip to the doctor and nope.  No ear infection.

While she missed childcare and was at the doctor.  Everything here was quiet.  No crying.  No frazzled nerves, no egg shell walking and no feeling awful for not properly caring for the other kiddos.  That's when I knew it was time to let go.

I needed to let her go to preserve the others.  I had to let her go so she could find a childcare grandma or place with no dogs.  I just don't think my environment was the right environment for her.

Some child care providers can handle criers.  I can't.  I just can't.  I can't hold kids all the time.  I can't listen to the crying and know there's nothing I can just makes me frazzled and not able to love my job.

It's so sad but so true.  Sometimes we do just have to let them go.